Much Too Much Time Has Past

Gentle Reader,

Alas, My Minions have been sorely lacking in their duties.  I should be their number one priority in all things!

After all, I am a superior being.  A Cat.

This morning, the Senior Minion (not to be confused with the Primary Minion) put me in the dreaded box and took me to that VILE place.  The Veterinarian’s office.  I had made it quiet clear that there would be no more visits to that terrible place.

I let the minion know of my displeasure the entire way there.

Once there I was assaulted.  ASSAULTED I say!  Just because my nether regions were once again threatening to explode.  Does not mean that I need to see said individuals dressed in white.

Once home I retired to my place of rest to recuperate from my terrible ordeal.  The Senior Minion may have had cause to take me to that awful place, as I do feel better.  But I do not have to like it.

I’ll just walk in front of both the Minions on the stairs.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, The Cat

Felicitations

Gentle Reader,

The skies have betrayed me, leaving behind white stuff coating my kingdom.  I am NOT amused.  My minions have not been helpful. Minion #1 has committed the worst affront on my Royal Self.  The minion took me outside and put me in the middle of the miserable stuff.  The least the minion could have done was change the the weather.

Then, to add insult to injury Minion #1 did this!

Rest assured, gentle readers, all wrongs shall be addressed.

To all who celebrate the Holidays, may your time be merry and safe.

Ever Yours!

Charlie, The Cat

Happenings

Dear Reader,

My Minion #1 has been remiss in her duty in recording my blog.  I am very disappointed in her performance, and will address her poor performance in her next evaluation.  Many things have happened since I last spoke to you my Dear Readers.

1. I have been freed of the evil collar that prevented me from meeting my personal hygiene needs.

2. Minion #1 humiliated me with the collar with the shiny pumpkins.  I was not amused.  At least I did not have to suffer alone, Quizz also had to wear one. Meow!

I am not amused!I

3. The minion holiday of Thanksgiving, I was given many choice tidbits of turkey by the small minions.  As was my due.  The small minions may come back and pet me next time.

Over all all is well in my kingdom. I am still training the minions in the way of the Feline.  The minions are exceedingly stubborn to train, but I have my methods.  The canine is malleable and is easy to manipulate.

Milk the kitty, who lives with Daisy the Pretty Pink Pit Bull, has given me an award.  A deserving one as is suit to my stature.  Thank you very much Milk.  You and your brother Tweet are Exemplary examples of the feline community. I see that you have your Canine well in hand.

Daisy the Pretty Pink Pit Bull, has also given me another award.  She also gave my canine minion the same award.  I will let him fulfill the requirements.

As always, Dear Reader, I thank you for your time. Until next time.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, The Cat

Free at Last!

Dear Reader,

My vile incarceration has ended.  The Minions have stopped abusing my posterior and I am rid of that infernal contraption that encircled my head.  Granted, I may be feeling better, but that is no excuse for said indignities.  Minion #1 continues to be resistant to be resistant to my attempts to control her via my amazing powers of the mind, minions #2 continues to be malleable.

I now am free to move about the domicile with out impediment.  Free to walk in front of any minion I choose to when they least expect it.  When they hop up and down, it amuses me.

I continue to educate the human minions in the way of feline authority.  The canine is already well in paw.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, the Cat

My Incarceration

Dear Reader,

It would seem that my incarceration in the dreaded cone will soon be coming to an end.  I am allowed more and more freedom from its vile confines.  Minion #2 has submitted to my constant bombardment of mind control to release me.  However, Minion #1 has no sympathy and re-incarcerates me as soon as she realizes I’m free.  I am NOT amused.

This durance vile can not end soon enough, as I have not been able to adequately scratch behind my ears for more than a month.  Minion #1′s human fingers are not sharp enough. Minion #2 does not even try to scratch my itches.

Unsharp Human Finger

Soon I will be free and unfettered.  Able to groom myself to my own exacting standards.

I will report my journey toward freedom.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, the Cat

Looks are Deceiving

Dear Readers,

Minion #2 stuffed my royal self in the box,  delivering me to the place of many animals.   Where the tall human assaulted my regal self with an exam then an injection.  I was not pleased.  On the way back to my domicile, Minion #2 informed me that I now cost as much as a computer, so now I am a feline computer.

I am NOT a Computa-Cat!

Minion #1 informs me this is the box by which I spread my tidings. Apparently, she does not wish to invest more in my health and maintenance.   Money is no object as far as I am concerned for I am valuable beyond measure. Minion #1 will set her straight in this matter.

The tall human instructed Minion #2 to keep me incarcerated in the dreaded cone.  I must wear it for an additional sen night 24/7.  Minion #2 has hardened her heart against my plaintive pleas of freedom.  I must come up with another plan.

The Royal Minion Quizz has advised me to be as adorable as possible to soothe the Minion #1′s stress.  He said that Minion #1 is experiencing stress about my health, as she should, and other things.  I should be gentle with her.  I will take this under advisement.

Until my next tidings.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, the Cat

A-Rears

Dearest Readers,

As Minion #1 has reported, I have recently been indisposed.

My nether regions had an unfortunate medical emergency which caused me great distress.  I am a fastidious feline.

Cleanliness is next to Feline greatness.  After all, in Egypt my kind were worshiped.  Would any lesser being worship a great being who was slovenly? I think not.

During this period of indisposition, I have been unable to groom myself to my exacting standards.   I have been cursed with an unwieldy contraption around my neck that prevents me from paying attention to any details.  To add insult to injury, the minion #2 has been assaulting my posterior with some foul liquid that injures my dignity.  When I hiss my displeasure, she has the gall, the GALL, to laugh and say she is only doing this because she love me.

Be that as it may, when I get this accursed contraption off my head and the hole in my posterior is healed.  All bets are off!

Ever Yours,

Charlie, the Cat

Circumstances

Dear Reader,

Before one comes to the conclusion that I am an anti-human, anti-canine feline.  I would like to point out that I am neither.

I understand that humans are mere minions put on this earth to serve my every need.

Canines, on the other hand, are a questionable.  I currently share my abode with a canine named Quizz.  While I do not loathe him, I find his charms to be wearing at times.  He does have his good qualities.

Exhibit A:  His food is delectable and his bowl is left out for my dining pleasure.

Exhibit B:  Minion #1 shares Quizz’s chicken treats with me.

Now, if I could just stop him from putting his cold nose on my posterior, I would be pleased.

Back to my minions.  I have two minions.

Minion #2 is the one who spends the most time with me.  I manage her very nicely.  I tell her when to nap, when to feed me and when to stop staring at that strange box on the flat table.

Minion #1 is more difficult.  She is the one who cares for Quizz.  She very seldom does my bidding.  She thinks playing ‘Hide the Charlie’ is fun. I don’t enjoy having the canine energetically seek me out, then pounce on me.  Yet she makes me participate regularly. If I do not wish to go somewhere, she picks me up and brings me anyway.  This minion has proven resistant to my feline training methods.

While my current circumstances are less than pleasing, my over all circumstances are acceptable.

I will keep the minions and the canine.

Ever Yours,

Charlie, the Cat

Indignities, Part Duex

Dear Readers,

It has been brought to my attention that minion number 1 has not taken my medical issues with the proper seriousness.  Yes, she takes care of me, feeds me, and administers the proper medications.

But then she takes pictures of my weakened state.  As evidenced in the following:

Stuck, Minion #1 giggled. She will pay!

May I point out the large excrescence from my neck.  I can not fit my flexible cat self through my normal openings.  I am not amused.

Ever yours,

Charlie, the Cat

Oh the Indignities!

Dear Reader,

It is I, Charlie the Cat.  I feel that my situation has not been expressed adequately.  My Royal Minion has been demoted to mere minion for numerous reasons.

Reason #1:  The minion put me in the box.

Reason #2:  The minion put the offending collar around my royal neck.

Reason #3:  The minion transported me in the box, with the collar to the place with other animals and LEFT ME!

The minion will pay.

Speaking of minions, the other minion has been missing for many nights.  I believe she had a hand in the planning of this distressing situation.  Therefore, she too is demoted as well.

My canine nemesis Quizz has been supportive in my time of need.  He has graciously offered me the prime napping spots and has allowed me to nap on his bed.  My only complaint are his solicitous nosings.  His nose is cold and damp.  I do not appreciate it in my delicate condition.  He may advance to the position of Royal Minion.

Now, I must walk very delicately with an abused posterior and a cone about my neck. While the minion forces pills down my throat and does unmentionable things to my already abused posterior.  Oh the INDIGNITIES!

If you do not hear from me… you know where to send the authorities.

Ever yours,

Charlie the Cat